Are You A “Can’t” or a “Don’t”?

Words are powerful.

They have the ability to build up and tear down. They can inspire or discourage. Leave us inspired or tired.

And this includes the words we tell ourselves.

I recently read about this experiment from the Journal of Consumer Research.

They took a group of 30 women and asked them to think on a long term health goal, and then they split them up into groups of 10.

Each group got a different phrase to remember every time they came across an obstacle to their health – alcohol, donuts, etc. The phrases they were to remember and recite were:

• Group 1: “Just Say No”
• Group 2: “I can’t miss my workout today”
• Group 3: “I don’t miss workouts”

At the end of every day each women was asked via email how they did that day. When they caved they would have to report it, and they knew it. This was repeated for 10 days.

Remember, every time they came across temptation they repeated the phrase from the group they were assigned to. The results?

• Group 1 had three people who made it through all 10 days.
• Group 2 had one person who made it through all 10 days.
• Group 3 had eight people who made it through all 10 days.

That’s a huge difference between the “can’t” group and the “don’t” group. Eight times better. That’s a big deal.

So what’s up with that anyway?

Why is “don’t” so much more powerful than “can’t”?

Heidi Grand Halvorson of Columbia’s Motivation Science center explains:

“I don’t” is experienced as a choice, so it feels empowering. It’s an affirmation of your determination and willpower. “I can’t” isn’t a choice. It’s a restriction, it’s being imposed upon you. So thinking “I can’t” undermines your sense of power and personal agency.”

In other words when you use “don’t” you are calling the shots, while using “can’t” makes you feel helpless, whether you are or not.

This is not mumbo jumbo or voodoo. This is key.

Are you in charge of your choices or not? Say you are out with friends at a party, and you are confronted with all sorts of goodies.

Is it:

“I can’t have any of that stuff” at which your friends pressure you to eat it anyway, and you go along to fit in?

or

“I don’t eat more than one piece of dessert when I am out” at which your friend are floored by your self-discipline and will power? 🙂

Which makes you feel better?

Which is more empowering?

Who do you want to be?

“Don’t” be a “Can’t”

Make It Happen!

Coach Dean