Meagan Sbat
As a professional, I feel like it is a social obligation to share things many people are not saying out loud. I have worked in the health and fitness industry for almost 12 years. I have personally struggled with body image challenges in my lifetime up until only a couple of years ago. As a person who has recovered from those challenges and as a professional who helps others work through those challenges, I am breaking the silence.
The video with my story is below, I encourage you to watch it! It is a video I posted on my social media that had my inbox full of similar stories and feelings. Below the video I am going to share 3 things you may be saying to people as a compliment, but is actually making them very uncomfortable and then I will share 5 ways you can say what you mean without potentially triggering them.
Keep in mind, that we don't always know the internal battles others are facing, even if you know them very well! I had someone mention how "easily offended" people are now and how this information makes them question complimenting anyone anymore. It is not about being offended. It is about unintentionally triggering another person.
Let's normalize not complimenting or dissing people based on their body shape, can I get an amen?
3 things you might be saying to a friend, family member or complete stranger...
- "You look great, have you lost weight?"
While this does feel good for some people to hear, it is very uncomfortable for others. Especially if they didn't lose any weight. Maybe their body is changing for a reason that you know nothing about.Or maybe that person was not trying to lose weight or didn't lose weight and then you say that and they wonder if they should lose weight. Also, can we normalize that you don't have to be skinny or a certain size to look great???
- "What have you been doing different, you look awesome!"
Can you see how that statement would be uncomfortable to someone who has been doing nothing different? Again, this may feel good to some people, but to others they may wonder what the heck you thought they looked like before especially if they didn't change a thing.
- "OMG, you're so skinny"
Yikes. Imagine if the person you are trying to compliment is actually struggling and you just reinforced a habit. Or maybe they're actually sick. Or maybe they are struggling with some obsessive behaviors. Maybe they start overthinking and wonder if you used to think they were fat.
You can see how commenting on the shape or size of a person's body can be taken the wrong way. Most people probably won't voice it. They will just say thank you or deflect the comment or make something up. Some people might love that compliment, but we have to normalize not commenting on other people's body.
Here are 5 examples of safe compliments
- You are looking strong!
- Your hard work in the gym is really showing! You lifted that like it was nothing!
- You look so confident
- You are seriously glowing
- You are rocking that outfit
These are all genuine compliments that get your point across. It feels good to give compliments and it feels good to receive them. I challenge you to give compliments that don't have a body image root. Our bodies change a lot and as a person who has overcome a lot of body image and body dysmorphia challenges, it is already hard enough not to self identify as your body shape so when that is reinforced by the general population it makes recovery a lot harder.
I hope that helps,
Coach Meagan
